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A rare, inside look at into the locker room of the 2010 Lakers
Posted by: SPQR on Oct 01, 2009 - 04:47 PM
lakers-blog
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It is the Lakers swank, plush locker room. It has all the accoutrements befitting the 21st century star athletes of a our championship team: TV’s, pool table, sauna and Jacuzzi, large and expansive lockers. A superb sound system. Kobes favorite cd, Lady GaGa is blaring out.
Kobe is lounging on the trainers table. He has the Finals MVP trophy in his hand and stares longingly at it. Also there is Mitch Kupchak, Derek Fisher, Pau Gasol, Ron Artest and Andrew Bynum.
Mitch looks at Kobe. “How you feeling champ?”
Kobe: “Man I feel great! We have a great team. We should repeat. Everything is just the way I wanted it to be! Life can’t be any better. It is cool to be Kobe Bryant! I owe it all to you, Dr. Buss and this great organization. You are the best!”
Mitch: “That’s great! This is going to be some year for us. I can just feel it!”
Kobe: Holding out his trophy to Mitch. “Hey, have you seen my Final MVP Trophy? Isn’t it just the best thing you have every laid eyes on?”
Mitch: Smiles. “Um, yeah I have seen it. It’s fantastic.”
Kobe: Smiling. “Would you like to hold it?”
Mitch: “Sure, let see that bad boy.” He reaches out to get it..
Kobe: Suddenly glaring at Mitch. “Ok, if you have too I will let you. But only for a second!”
Mitch just sits, looking at Kobe with his hand out.
Kobe: “Did you hear me!”
Everyone turns and looks at Kobe.
Mitch nods, looking a bit intimidated. “Yes, ok. I heard you.”
Kobe hands the trophy to Mitch. As Mitch starts to bring it back to his body Kobe snakes out his hand and grabs it back. Mitch blinks and pulls back his head in a nervous reaction.
Kobe smiles again. “It is nice isn’t it? Feels good in your hand doesn’t it? Has real weight to it.”
Mitch forces a smile. “Yeah, yeah, it really does feel nice.”
Kobe: “You know I don’t let just anyone hold it. That is MY trophy. Mine! You are one of the lucky few!”
Mitch: “I can imagine.”
Kobe: "I'll let you in on a little secrete. Want to hear it?"
Mitch: "S..s..sure."
Kobe: "My wife hasn't even touched this baby. Nobody in my house has except me. Not my kids either. Bet you didn't know that did you?"
Mitch: "Um...no..I guess I didn't."
Kobe: "Do you know why I let you touch it?"
Mitch: "No, Kobe, I really don't. Honest."
Kobe smiles: "Cuz I like you Mitch. I like you allot."
Mitch smiles back: "I like you too, Kobe."
Kobe turns away from Mitch and hugs the trophy.
Mitch turns and looks at Drew. He is playing a game on his cell.
Mitch: “Hey big guy! How are you feeling? All ready to kick some serious ass?”
Drew does not look up from his cell. “Hell yeah! I can’t wait to get out there and show people what I can do….long as my knee holds up..” He steals a furtive glance at Kobe then his own knee.
Pau clears his throat then speaks. “Drew, Drew. It will be so cool to have you back now! There are lots of games that you could even spell me for rest!”
Drew smiles. “Yep, I want to make things easier for you, Pau. That’s the idea!”
Pau smiles. “Yes, Drew. Easier for me. I have certain game that you would make good starter at center. Not all game, but some. Then I maybe start at center. You know for experience for you. Good experience! Very good starter.” He glances at Kobe who is rubbing the MVP trophy on his head. “Um.. say you start against Cleveland… yah Cleveland. And maybe good experience you start against Boston too!!. And Houston….um.. no wait! Houston can be me start. But Orlando…yes, most defiantly Orlando!! Drew must start against Orlando all the time!! Yes..Drew will ALWAYS start against Orlando…and Cleveland..yeah them too! The rest I be starter at center maby.. You in good shape now, no?”
Drew looks up from his phone at stares at Pau. “Sure, Pau.” He looks down at his knee and rubs the brace. “Yep, I’m fine. Just fine….just a little pain there is all. I think it’s probably just the brace…ouch!” He grimaces and removes his hand from his knee. Mitch quickly looks away from Drew.
Pau: “Drew must be ready to start against Cleveland, Boston and Orlando!!! Maybe Denver too!!”
Drew: “Chill dude. I will be ready….just wish I didn’t have to wear this damn brace…”
Suddenly the door pops open and Lamar comes strutting in. He does a quick glance around to check out the scene. “What, no freakin camera’s here?? What’s going on with this place? Where are the cameras and reporters? Not even anyone from E or The Insider?”
Derek: “Lamar this is private meeting. We don’t want any cameras or reporters here.”
Lamar flashes a huge grin and takes out a candy bar. He rips off the wrapper and starts to gnaw on it. “Derek my man, don’t you know if you are not on camera, if someone is not looking at your life on TV you are nothing! You don’t exist! Get with the program man. Get with the program!”
Derek just shakes his head. Lamar spins on his heel and heads back out to the door. “Me and my internet and tv star babe have a party at Wolfgang Pucks tonight. Gonna some reporters there, yeah you know it baby! Later losers.” He flips the candy wrapper over his shoulder as he leaves and it hits Fisher on the head. Derek picks it up and puts it in the trash can.
As Lamar leaves Sasha comes in. He looks completely distraught. His hair is a mess, running in tangles and down his face. Fish notices this. “Hey man, what’s wrong?”
Sasha runs over to Derek and grabs him. “Oh my god man. It’s like a nightmare. It is a f*cking nightmare!” Pau keeps staring at Drew and his knee. Drew never looks up from his cell.
Derek lays a comforting hand on Sasha’s shoulder. “Dude, dude, chill. It’s ok. Just calm down and tell me what’s up?”
Sasha shakes his head disconsolately. “Derek, oh my god, Derek! It’s just terrible!”
Derek shakes Sasha. Artest watches them from the shadows. Kobe continues to stroke his trophy. “Dude get a hold of yourself! Tell me what is wrong!”
Sasha is almost in tears. “Dude, I am taking a playboy bunny to Lamar’s party at Wolfgangs and I can’t find my f*cking comb!!! Can you believe this shit!!??”
Derek drops his hand from Sasha’s shoulder.
Sasha shakes his head. “How could that have happened? I NEVER lose my comb. Not in all these years!! Not once!”
Derek shakes his head. “Dude, it’s ok. It has to be here. We will find it.” He looks at the other players. “Lets find it guys.”
Kobe licks his trophy and moans. His eyes are closed. Pau stares at Drew who continues to look at his cell and gently rub his knee brace. Artest looks up at the ceiling.
Sasha starts to cry. “We won’t find it if someone stole it! Someone new!” He looks at Artest who retreats further into the shadowy corner, looks away innocently and starts to whistle. “Screw this!! I’m going to buy another one.” He looks at his Armani watch. “I might still have time to put on the gell and buy a comb. I hope Bambi understands if I am late at her house!!”
Sasha turns and runs for the door at full blast.
Mitch gets up and starts to edge for the door. Derek does too.
Kobe swivels around like panther and looks hard at Mitch. He moves the trophy behind him..then smiles famous smile of his. “Hey boss, just want to tell you thanks. You and Dr. Buss, this whole organization was right. It all worked out just like you said it would. You guys are the best. I want you to know this is where my heart is and always will be! You guys always stood by me and did the right thing all the way around. I just want you to know how I feel. This is from the heart.”
Kobe reaches his hand out and Mitch smiles and takes it. Then they hug. Kobe whispers, “I love you, man.”
Artest comes out from behind shadowy corner. “Hey guys, I just want to say-“
Kobe wheels on him. “You don’t say ANYTHING you god damned f*ck!! Are you tryin to pull some Shaq sh*t on me! Are you trying to take over this team!!! This locker room!! No! No! That sh*t will not happen again on my watch!! Never! Not ever again! No more. This is MY locker room, my team and my trophy!!” Kobe turns to Mitch. “You better do something about this f*cking Shaq sh*t he is trying to pull right the f*ck now!!”
Mitch: "Relax Kobe, nothing is going on here."
Artest looks shocked. “Hey Kobe… I was just gonna say-“
Kobe jumps up and explodes. He pulls Mitch close and starts to scream in his face, bathing him in spit. "Nothing is going on?" He points to Artest, "Look at him. His lips were moving again. Did you see his lips move just now? He was trying to say something!! Do you know what that means!!??"
Mitch looking confused: "No...I..I don't. What does it mean?"
Kobe: "He was trying to talk! He is trying to take over my locker room you idiot! Thats what it means!! This is your fault!! You and that god damn f*ck Dr. Buss!! And this dog sh*t organization I am trapped in!! You guys can’t do nothing right!! You will not let someone pull another Shaq on me, no f*cking way!!! I am not that f*cking dumb.” Mitch closes his eyes in the drenching. Kobe’s spit pours down his face. Kobe shoves him to the floor and backs away from him. “I f*cking told you to do something about this and YOU DIDN’T!! I want f*cking traded right the f*ck NOW!!! I am taking my god damn f*cking finals MVP trophy and moving on to some team that wants and respect me!!! F*ck you! F*ck Buss, F*ck this city, its fake f*ckin fans and all this f*cking shit!! My f*cking agent will be calling you tonight!! F*ck my lousy inadequate teammates I am forced to play with year after f*ckin year!!! And f*ck my god damn maid too!! That useless f*cking ho b*tch!! Maybe I can hook up with Jason Kidd! Yeah he would get me that f*ckin ball! I am out of this dog sh*t operation! Kupchak, you will never touch this trophy again! NEVER!!”
Kobe takes his trophy and storms out.
Artest retreats into the shadow of the corner. Pau stares at Drews knee. Drew plays his cell game and rubs his brace.
Derek walks over to Mitch and picks him up. They exit together and walk up the hall.
Derek looks at Mitch and grins. “So, ready for another Laker season?”
Mitch smiles and throws his arm around Derek's shoulder. “You bet your life I am. No place I would rather be.”
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