Joined: Jun 25, 2007
Posts: 1155
Location: Northridge, CA votes: 11
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^^^ LOL. Obviously some people didn't think before claiming a URL.... classic
_________________ "PUT ON THE GOLDEN ARMOR..."
"Now we have to walk the walk..."
TheTwinTowers
Posted: Jul 24, 2008 - 10:30 PM PST
Big-Time Laker Fan
Joined: Jun 19, 2007
Posts: 932
votes: 2
Status: Offline
81-KOBE-81 wrote:
A Pickle a cucumber and a penis
A pickle a cucumber and a penis are sitting talking in a bar. The pickle says "my life is so bad, when i get big and juicy i get put in a jar full of vinegar. The cucumber said "oh yea? when i get big and juicy i get cut up and put in a salad. The penis said "you guys have it easy, when i get big and juicy i get a plastic bag shoved on my head and i get pushed in to a dark room were my head gets banged on the wall till i throw up!"
lol, I've heard that on before
VS
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 - 04:26 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 12, 2008
Posts: 7907
votes: 50
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Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.
She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."
"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."
"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
_________________ “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” -- William Arthur Ward
VS
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 - 04:27 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 12, 2008
Posts: 7907
votes: 50
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
_________________ “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” -- William Arthur Ward
VS
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 - 04:30 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 12, 2008
Posts: 7907
votes: 50
Status: Offline
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush
"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush to reporters
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
...Governor George W. Bush
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush
"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush
"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush
I got that one via email. Supposedly it's real quotes from Bush.... wow.
_________________ “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” -- William Arthur Ward
VS
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 - 04:33 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 12, 2008
Posts: 7907
votes: 50
Status: Offline
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
_________________ “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” -- William Arthur Ward
MrMojo112
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 - 05:42 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 03, 2007
Posts: 9411
votes: 37
Status: Offline
VujacicSlovenia wrote:
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush
"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush to reporters
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
...Governor George W. Bush
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush
"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush
"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush
I got that one via email. Supposedly it's real quotes from Bush.... wow.
My favorite is "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...well I just can't get fooled again."
VS
Posted: Jul 25, 2008 - 06:05 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 12, 2008
Posts: 7907
votes: 50
Status: Offline
MrMojo112 wrote:
My favorite is "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...well I just can't get fooled again."
I like "For NASA, space is still a priority."
81-KOBE-81
Posted: Jul 29, 2008 - 04:48 AM PST
Serious Laker Fan
Joined: Aug 08, 2007 Age: 20
Posts: 478
votes: 0
Status: Offline
I got a pretty good one liner here:
Steve Nash wins finals mvp.
_________________ This time..... Its gonna be more than a three-peat
MrMojo112
Posted: Aug 17, 2008 - 02:29 AM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 03, 2007
Posts: 9411
votes: 37
Status: Offline
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
lakerbloke
Posted: Nov 03, 2008 - 10:15 AM PST
Laker GM
Joined: Sep 29, 2007
Posts: 3314
votes: 26
Status: Offline
2 piles of vomit and 1 is crying, so the other one asks "what's the matter?"
the other pile says "oh it's nothing, it's just the way I was brought up...."
MrMojo112
Posted: Nov 03, 2008 - 03:56 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 03, 2007
Posts: 9411
votes: 37
Status: Offline
There I was on my way to Wal-Mart…
Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind … Wasn’t even on the horizon … I was in a great mood … And then … I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car … And you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it … He was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
“I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I look down at him and said, “Well, which one are you then?”
And that’s when the fight started . . .
lakerbloke
Posted: Nov 15, 2008 - 10:32 AM PST
Laker GM
Joined: Sep 29, 2007
Posts: 3314
votes: 26
Status: Offline
Bob called his boss and said:
"Hey, boss I cannot come to work today, I feel really sick. I've got a headache, stomach ache, my leg hurts, I'm not coming into work."
The boss says: "Bob, I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to make love to me.
That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Bob calls again: "Boss, I took your advice and I feel great, I'll be at work soon, by the way, you've got a nice house.
MrMojo112
Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 02:59 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jun 03, 2007
Posts: 9411
votes: 37
Status: Offline
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be! She has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man. I'm still a virgin!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really. It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!"
lakerbloke
Posted: May 11, 2009 - 05:39 PM PST
Laker GM
Joined: Sep 29, 2007
Posts: 3314
votes: 26
Status: Offline
First Time Sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner
with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to
the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first
time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or Family pack. The boy insists on the family pack
because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on
in!'
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute
passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes
pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his
head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the Boyfriend, 'I had no
idea you were this religious.'
The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your Father was a
pharmacist.'
ReliveThe3PEAT
Posted: Nov 18, 2009 - 03:59 PM PST
Lakers Topbuzz Hall of Famer
Joined: Jul 19, 2008 Age: 22
Posts: 15906
votes: 79
Status: Offline
MrMojo112 wrote:
My favorite is "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...well I just can't get fooled again."
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Posted: Jul 24, 2008 - 05:58 PM PST
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